Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
