Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
