My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
