Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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