he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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