just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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