guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
