She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
