Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
