You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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