my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
