Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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