don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
