Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
they're like a gay fantastic four
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
