I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
