Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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