I could have mohawked her pubes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
