and my herpes radar will keep us safe
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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