I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
