what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He better not be in your backpack
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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