I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
