This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
