she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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