i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
