The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
