I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
