She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
