Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
