youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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