Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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