I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
