My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
