I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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