high people should be assigned attendants
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
