It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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