so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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