Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
