the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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