Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
