who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
