Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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