My friends, they love my intelligence
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
