I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
