What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
