I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
