They should really pass out barf bags in church
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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