I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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