it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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