he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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