tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
