so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
