I want to have your abortion
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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