Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
