Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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